How to Write an Intervention Letter
An intervention letter is a short, loving letter a family member reads aloud during an intervention. It has four parts: what the person means to you; two or three specific, recent examples of what you’ve seen; how it has affected you; and a clear request to accept the help that is ready today.
Written by Benjamin Zohar, NCACIP. Last updated on 13 October 2026.
If someone is in immediate danger, call 911. For a mental health crisis, call or text 988.
What an intervention letter is, and why it works
An intervention letter is a short letter that each family member writes ahead of time and reads aloud during the intervention. It tells your loved one, calmly and clearly, that you love them, what you have seen, and what you are asking them to do.
Writing it down works better than speaking off the cuff. In the moment, people often get emotional, forget what they meant to say, or slip into blame. A letter keeps you specific and kind, and it lets your interventionist help you shape each word before the day.
The four-part structure
| Part | What to write | Example line |
|---|---|---|
| 1. Love and connection | What the person means to you, with a warm memory. | “You taught me how to fish, and I still think of those mornings.” |
| 2. Specific examples | Two or three recent, concrete things you saw. Facts, not labels. | “Last Tuesday you missed my game and didn’t answer your phone.” |
| 3. How it affects you | Your own feelings, using “I” statements. | “I feel scared every time my phone rings late at night.” |
| 4. A clear request | Ask them to accept the help that is ready today. | “A program has a bed ready for you today. Will you go?” |
Three example letters
These examples use made-up people and details. Use them as a guide, then write in your own words.
Example letter from a parent
Sam, you are my son, and I love you more than anything. I still think about teaching you to ride a bike and how proud you were.
Lately I have been scared. Last month you missed your sister’s birthday dinner, and when I called, you didn’t make sense. Two weeks ago I found you asleep in the car in the driveway at 2 a.m.
I lie awake worrying that the next phone call will be the worst one. I miss the son who used to call me just to talk.
We have found a program that can help, and they have a bed ready for you today. Will you accept this help right now?
Example letter from a spouse or partner
Alex, I married you because you are kind, funny and the steadiest person I know. I still see that person, and I want them back.
This spring you forgot to pick up the kids from practice twice. Last Saturday you were angry and unsteady in front of our neighbors, and you don’t remember it.
I feel alone in our home. I have been covering for you, and I can’t keep doing that. The kids have started asking me questions I don’t know how to answer.
I am asking you to accept the treatment that is arranged for you today. I will be with you every step of the way.
Example letter from an adult child
Mom, you raised me to be honest, so I’m going to be honest because I love you.
At Thanksgiving you fell in the kitchen, and you said it was nothing. Last week you called me three times in one night and didn’t remember any of the calls the next day.
I’m afraid of losing you. I want my kids to know their grandmother the way I knew you.
There is a place ready for you today, and people who know how to help. Please say yes to this help right now.
Phrases that help vs. phrases that backfire
| Phrases that help | Phrases that backfire |
|---|---|
| “I love you, and I’m worried.” | “You’re an addict.” (labels shut people down) |
| “Last Friday I saw…” | “You always…” or “You never…” |
| “I feel scared when…” | “You’re ruining this family.” |
| “Help is ready for you today.” | “If you don’t go, I’m done forever.” (unless you truly mean it) |
| “We will support you.” | “After everything I’ve done for you…” |
Optional “bottom line” or boundary statements
Some families add a short boundary at the end of a letter, sometimes called a bottom line. It explains what you will change if your loved one does not accept help, for example, “I will no longer give you money,” or “I will not cover for you at work.”
Length, tone and reading it aloud
- Aim for about one page, or two to three minutes read aloud.
- Rehearse it out loud several times, ideally with your family and interventionist.
- Keep a calm, steady voice. It’s okay to pause or cry.
- Look up at your loved one when you can.
- Print it in a large font so it’s easy to read under stress.
Common mistakes
- Listing every bad thing from the past many years.
- Using labels like “addict,” “drunk” or “junkie.”
- Making threats or ultimatums you won’t keep.
- Writing so long that the person stops listening.
- Sharing the letter with your loved one before the intervention.
- Bringing up unrelated family conflicts.
What to do if they interrupt or walk out
Interruptions are normal. If your loved one argues, stay calm and say something like, “Please let me finish. I wrote this because I love you.” Don’t debate the details. Your interventionist will guide the room.
If they walk out, let them go. Do not block the door or follow them in anger. Many people come back once they’ve had a moment. Your family should agree ahead of time what each person will do if this happens. If anyone is ever in danger, call 911.
A downloadable letter worksheet
Our free family packet includes a letter worksheet that walks you through each of the four parts. Download the family packet (PDF), or request it by email.
How a professional interventionist helps you write and rehearse letters
A professional interventionist reads each letter with you, removes blame and labels, and helps you choose the right examples. During rehearsal, the family practices reading letters in order and plans for interruptions or a no. Learn more about the intervention process, what a professional interventionist in New York does, and what it costs. Letter writing and rehearsal are part of the $2,750 local package.
Questions families ask
How long should an intervention letter be?
About one page, or two to three minutes when read aloud. Short letters are easier to hear. Several family members will read, so keeping each letter brief helps your loved one stay in the room.
Should I read my letter or speak freely?
Read it. Emotions run high during an intervention, and a written letter keeps you calm, specific and kind. Speaking off the cuff makes it easier to slip into blame or arguments.
Who should write an intervention letter?
Each person taking part writes one. That usually means close family and one or two trusted friends. Choose people your loved one respects and who can stay calm.
Should the letter include consequences?
Only if you will truly follow through. A boundary, sometimes called a bottom line, is optional. If you are not sure you will keep it, leave it out. Your interventionist can help you decide.
What if I’m too angry to write a letter?
That is common. Write a first draft just for yourself to get the anger out, then set it aside. Write the real letter later, focusing on love and specific examples. An interventionist can help you edit it.
Can children write an intervention letter?
Sometimes older children or teens take part, but it depends on their age, maturity and safety. Younger children usually should not attend. A short note read by another adult can be an option. Talk it through with your interventionist first.
Should the letter mention past events from years ago?
Keep the focus on recent, specific examples, ideally from the last few months. Old events can feel like a list of grievances and invite arguments about the past.
References
- Intervention: Help a loved one overcome addictionMayo Clinic
- FindTreatment.gov — the federal treatment locatorSAMHSA
These organizations do not endorse Intervention NY. This page is general education, not medical or legal advice. Intervention NY is an intervention and family-navigation service. We are not a rehab, detox, hospital or treatment provider. Last updated 13 October 2026.